Having been brought up in a house of prominent women, I’d naively questioned in my mind if I had caught my girly ways from one of them.Īt times I would embrace my femininity. Though it was a comforting answer, I wasn’t really convinced. They simply reassured me that it was all in my head and all little boys and girls sounded and behaved alike. I questioned my two older sisters about why I sounded like a girl. I quickly realized it wasn’t considered “normal” for a boy to sound this feminine. I developed a speaking complex, worried I’d be labeled girly if I opened my mouth. But what stuck with me were the gibes about my feminine voice. Yes, kids are cruel, and I dealt with it. I was frequently made aware of my “girly” voice and mannerisms by my little peers. At 10 years old, I stood out like a sore thumb at primary school with my high-pitched voice and Asian ethnicity in a class of predominantly white classmates. I became aware of my effeminacy at a prepubescent age. With that said, here are some of the experiences and realizations that have shaped me. It’s been a turbulent journey filled with questions, anxieties, and eventual personal acceptance to get this somewhat secure mentality. I’ve come to realize my feminine attributes are my strengths and that I shouldn’t shy away from expressing them. I’m fed up with the raw deal we effeminate men are given by everyone. This narrow-mindedness toward gender expression bothers me. It’s clear that heteronormative society can’t see beyond its male gender restrictions, in which men are expected to be macho, emotionally unavailable, ball-scratching stereotypes. When men like me are patronized for being “so gay,” it’s implied that we’re behaving like women. This could be due to various factors like media representation or cultural dynamics. It’s as if the words “gay” and “effeminate” have become synonyms. But let’s face it - the majority of people have evolved to see gay men as effeminate. “What’s your gayness got to do with effeminacy?” you ask. Just take a look at me and I’m sure you’ll clock my gayness in seconds.
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Not that this was some sort of big secret.